Project Reclamationtaking back ground for life

Yesterday you told me that you’d never leave me.
You promised that my heart would never endure
The dreadful ache of the forsaken.
I pressed my head against your chest
As you embraced me in your strength;
I heard a tidal force, powerful and certain,
That dwelt within.
And I heard your heart declare, “I am true.”

Today, I stand shaking through weeping
As fear scours my depths to feast on unbelief.

Today I hear her voice, rattling breath
And staccato sentences.

Today I find myself to be a 5 year old
Holding a hand that turns out not to be mother;
Standing in a room that turns out
Not to be home;
Wondering if I will, again, be safe in her gaze.

Today I find I am 11 years old,
Hearing the words “car crash” and letting a laugh slip
Because I don’t want to cry in front of teacher.
And like those time, will it be ok?
Will You be enough?

Tomorrow is the great enigma,
Prowling on the edge of my vision,
Beckoning me to fold and be devoured,
Speaking words of dis-ease
And desolation.

But then I recall,
Through a memory most badly bruised,
That yesterday you told me that you’d never leave me.

Selah.

The date is deliberately backwards in the title, because I was still living in England at the time the World Trade Center was taken down by terrorists. I was working in a call center for American Express, helping new businesses get their credit card terminals up and running. The center was shared with other teams for different companies, some of them broadcast advertising based. As such, TVs were always on.

It was mid afternoon in the UK when the planes struck, and I came back in from a smoke break (cut me some slack, I’ve quit my habit since), took my seat, and I looked up to see the first news report flash that a plane had struck the first tower. Just a few months previously I’d been in NYC with my family for a long weekend vacation. We’d been to the WTC and were blessed with clear blue skies, and no wind, which meant we could go onto the roof and look out on a giant city made to feel so small by our elevation.

And now here I was again, staring at a screen in disbelief as the second plane hit, and feeling how small the city was, but for very different reasons. Seeing those towers fall was devastating; the knowledge that death had been brought on many through an act of evil profoundly affected my heart and mind. But more so was the joy in witnessing the triumph of community, as a city drew together whilst the world watched, including those who’d sought to bring fear and terror to a nation. Everyday Joe’s became regular heroes, hands were joined across boundaries that were previously impenetrable, and hope stirred deep in the embers of a city recoiling from an unforeseen assault.

Hope prevailed.

We face adversity regularly, be it in our work places, the sports field, our homes or our nations besieged by enemies. On such a grand scale, the same truth plays out – how will you respond? Will you carry the burden yourself and be crushed by its weight, or will you lift your eyes to God, join hands with your community and declare that, come what may, hope will not be held back, joy will not be stemmed, unity & peace will be pursued until the very end.